


searching for signs in a haunted club

by DoctorFitzy (KittooningMalijah)



Series: Hauntober 2020 [7]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Gen, Hauntober, M/M, Post-Canon, could be read as platonic, deke in his head with his thoughts, no happy ending, not light angst, other characters are mentioned only - Freeform, trevordeke is implied
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-07
Updated: 2020-10-07
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:07:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 768
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26875675
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KittooningMalijah/pseuds/DoctorFitzy
Summary: Post-canon. Deke has a rough night.
Relationships: Deke Shaw & Agents of SHIELD Team, Trevor Khan/Deke Shaw
Series: Hauntober 2020 [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1948561
Comments: 2
Kudos: 8





	searching for signs in a haunted club

**Author's Note:**

> for Hauntober day 7: "haunted"

In the near year that had passed since he'd decided to stay in the branched off timeline, Deke hadn't shaken any of the grief that had settled in. His agents had started to feel like a small family, once upon a time, but then SHIELD grew, just like it had in every other timeline. So, his new family, like his old one, were busy and far out of his reach.

He hadn't even performed in months, too busy trying to keep the organization in one piece to even try to get the band together and with enough free time to do a show. So, when the opportunity arose for him to take his guitar to a small bar and actually  _ sing  _ again, he took it without hesitation.

**(** _technically, the guitar wasn't his, but that seemed like a silly thing to get hung up on_ **)**

In the glare of the bright stage lights, some of the faces in the audience blurred into some that were more familiar. Nana and Bobo were in the front row, glowing with so much pride that it  _ had _ to be an illusion. A flash of blue caught his eye that inspired his mind to conjure up first the memory of Daisy's hair and then her face, and with her came Sousa, and Coulson, and May, and Mack, and Yoyo, and so many others. It wasn't the first time it had happened, his wishful thinking getting away from him during a performance, and it wasn't the first time it had excluded one of the faces he ached to see the most.

It wasn't until the end of his acoustic set that Deke realized there were tears in his eyes.

After signing a few autographs and getting a drink to try to stifle the emotions still raging through him, he made himself start the walk toward his apartment building a few blocks away. The trek wasn’t long, but it was enough for the chill to sober him up a bit, which meant that the figure out of the corner of his eye was entirely his mind’s creation, just like all the others.

The dark hair and blue cardigan was only connected with one person from his old life, and that thought made him stop and turn to get a better look. The street corner was empty, of course, and his best friend wasn’t there, never had been. He was probably enjoying the future, the other future, the one that Deke would never see again. It was probably a relief, not having to put up with his  _ babysitting assignment _ anymore, not having to take along the man out of time whenever there were more important things to worry about.  _ Agent Kahn _ was having the time of his life with full agent status and no extra responsibility, probably not giving him any thought while he was just...  _ stuck.  _ Funny how the most important friendship he’d had for a little while had just turned into nothing. 

He missed it, all of it. He missed his family, and his friends, and the life he had that had actually felt like it belonged to him. Mistakes had been made, but at least they were  _ his  _ mistakes, not something that Kasius or any of the other Kree in the Lighthouse had told him to do. The life, there, in the world he’d never see again, was the only thing in his memory that had ever been truly his. The problem was, he doubted any of it missed him. 

Instead of going home and getting the rest he needed, Deke turned a corner to make his way to the secret entrance to the base. That felt more like home than any apartment could ever hope to, anyway. 

An hour later, he sat on the floor in the middle of  _ mission control,  _ his eyes closed while he tried to remember the exact shade of yellow featured in his old company’s logo. Some of the details of his old life were fading, like colors and smells and exactly how his favorite coffee tasted, but a few things refused to, even after all this time - the feeling of a good, long hug; the pride that came from beating a level of a silly video game; the gentle pressure of a finger around the wrist that so few were allowed to touch. It was the feelings, the sensations from a life that could never be his again, that would stay with him forever, that would haunt him like the ghosts of people who he had to wait for. They were his future, now, instead of his past.


End file.
